Well , Haven't posted in here in a while but Im having some trouble going thru the day right now .
Situation is ****** up , heavy in debt , work in a job which gives me negative emotions about myself and my situation , looking non-stop for ways to escape wheter its food , cigs , coffee , and when I get my hand on money its just one way traffic from there .
I have a bud who keeps telling me to come to GA with him , he's been there for a while and he actually enggaged to it , my own issue is I would feel like Im lying to myself If I ahead this way because I can't see myself outside gambling , It is in my nature , even though I know things needs to be changed , been a mess for over a decade now , had my ups and down , Hit the jackpot a few times just to lose it all , I guess many had the same route but man I'm having tough time just living within myself day in day out , basically I don't do that which tears me apart .
I feel kinda stupid posting in here because at the end of the day Im the one who will need eventually to help himself but the fact that u got no one to reach to and no one really understand what ur going thru might be the roughest part.
You kinda try to act everything is cool even though ur broken inside , wheter its emotionally or mentally I dont know .
You are smilling to everyone and making jokes at times out of disparity I guess , you would do everything just not let the pain you hold within yourself to soak in .
Its pretty messed up I know , just felt like opening up a lil , thats what loneliness do to you , cheers .
Situation is ****** up , heavy in debt , work in a job which gives me negative emotions about myself and my situation , looking non-stop for ways to escape wheter its food , cigs , coffee , and when I get my hand on money its just one way traffic from there .
I have a bud who keeps telling me to come to GA with him , he's been there for a while and he actually enggaged to it , my own issue is I would feel like Im lying to myself If I ahead this way because I can't see myself outside gambling , It is in my nature , even though I know things needs to be changed , been a mess for over a decade now , had my ups and down , Hit the jackpot a few times just to lose it all , I guess many had the same route but man I'm having tough time just living within myself day in day out , basically I don't do that which tears me apart .
I feel kinda stupid posting in here because at the end of the day Im the one who will need eventually to help himself but the fact that u got no one to reach to and no one really understand what ur going thru might be the roughest part.
You kinda try to act everything is cool even though ur broken inside , wheter its emotionally or mentally I dont know .
You are smilling to everyone and making jokes at times out of disparity I guess , you would do everything just not let the pain you hold within yourself to soak in .
Its pretty messed up I know , just felt like opening up a lil , thats what loneliness do to you , cheers .