I don't love me. Fvck, I don't even LIKE me. I'm basically the worst person I know. If it wasn't for the internet I would feel even worse, at least I can find other fvcking losers on my level here.
I'm below average. That's just the best way to describe myself. My looks, my health, my personality, whatever other metric that you use. I can't even imagine being fvcking NORMAL. That's too hard for me. Much less achieve what I dream about: having a gf, being seen as cool likable (I actually try to come off this way, but nobody is fooled) and attractive. I would just settle for cool and likable.
I mean, yeah, one girl in 4 years has found me somewhat likeable, but chances are she isnt gonna be around for long. And what happens when i scare her away or she finds someone better to chill with, then what?..Ill be back to square one, back to being the ugly piece of shit that i am. And the only friend i have is my cousin who only talks to me because i do whatever he says, drive him everywhere, pay for drinks etc. That's what it comes down to. He dont even like me, just uses me and i have no choice but to be his bitch.
I mean why am I so dysfunctional? My parents always used to tell me "when you grow up and get married.." Like it was a fact of life or written in stone. The fact is i'll never be good enough for a woman to want to start a family with and it tears me up even as i type this. I think there's alot of dissapointment from their part towards me because of what I have become and what I will never be. Fvcking pathetic.
I'm below average. That's just the best way to describe myself. My looks, my health, my personality, whatever other metric that you use. I can't even imagine being fvcking NORMAL. That's too hard for me. Much less achieve what I dream about: having a gf, being seen as cool likable (I actually try to come off this way, but nobody is fooled) and attractive. I would just settle for cool and likable.
I mean, yeah, one girl in 4 years has found me somewhat likeable, but chances are she isnt gonna be around for long. And what happens when i scare her away or she finds someone better to chill with, then what?..Ill be back to square one, back to being the ugly piece of shit that i am. And the only friend i have is my cousin who only talks to me because i do whatever he says, drive him everywhere, pay for drinks etc. That's what it comes down to. He dont even like me, just uses me and i have no choice but to be his bitch.
I mean why am I so dysfunctional? My parents always used to tell me "when you grow up and get married.." Like it was a fact of life or written in stone. The fact is i'll never be good enough for a woman to want to start a family with and it tears me up even as i type this. I think there's alot of dissapointment from their part towards me because of what I have become and what I will never be. Fvcking pathetic.
