What Do You Do When Your Mom Is Dying Of Cancer?

**CanuckG** · 09-28-12, 12:59 AM

My mom had breast cancer. She has another lump she has to get checked out soon....life ain't fukkin easy but if you can stay positive it helps. We all have one thing in common and that is were going to die so lets do what we can before it happens.

**Ghenghis Kahn** · 09-28-12, 01:54 AM

did you ask your mom why she didn't choose to get treatment when she first found out?

i don't know pal, my mom went through treatment for her ovarian cancer twice and it's tough on everyone. she's still weak and nauseous all the time but she'll live.

just wish your mom got treated as soon as she found out. at this stage diet is really important. you should encourage her to eat well, if she has trouble eating, tell her to smoke some weed. no joke...

**BiTeMe UsAdOj** · 09-28-12, 02:02 AM

TMS... my heart truly goes out to you, brother, as I unfortunately know firsthand what an extremely difficult situation you're now facing (my dad died a few years back from lung cancer -- younger than your mom is, never experiencing retirement -- and another close family member died of cancer less than a year ago). It's just a horrible situation.

I know there's a lot of confusion happening right now and I urge you to gather with your support system (family obv but close friends as well) to have a no-holds-barred, honest conversation about the steps you need to take in the best interests of your mom. If anyone in the family is in denial and finds it hard to talk openly about, try to frame it in such a way that a discussion has to take place FOR YOUR MOM and everyone has to temporarily set aside their anxieties, fears, etc.

From afar might I just suggest: Contact HOSPICE immediately. They will help guide you with "what to do next".

If you have a Faith of any sort (be it religious, spiritual, other belief system, etc..), lean on it now and seek out the support systems that the Faith does offer.

At this point, someone obviously needs to be with your mom 24/7.

If there is any specific question you'd like to ask... please ask it.

I hope for your continued strength in dealing with this situation.....

**The Giant** · 09-28-12, 02:31 AM

I hope for the best for you and your mom, Money...

**mikejamm** · 09-28-12, 04:53 AM

My deepest sympathy brother. I feel like I'm replaying the same exact thing my mother went through just a couple of years ago. I also lost her to cancer and under the exact same terms as you describe here. Heavy smoker, worked all her life and wouldn't really tell anybody what was going on until near the end. She actually beat breast cancer 8 years ago, but still continued to smoke even after I begged her not too. She went through chemo, nausea, loss of hair, weakness, but through it all her spirit stayed strong and she fought it the whole way. I drove her to her chemo treatments and even bought her several wigs, so she didn't have to go out in public with thinning hair. After a while she stopped wearing them altogether, saying the look didn't bother her at all.

When the cancer returned in 2010 she never let on to us how bad it was and that it had spread throughout her body. She quietly told my sisters and I she was done fighting and didn't want to go through the fatigue of chemo and hospitalization again. We brought her home from the hospital because she told us she wanted to be at home with her family, a hospice nurse stayed with us and gave her medication so she wouldn't suffer any pain and she passed away quietly in her sleep at a much too early age of 69.

I felt the same way you do now man, my mom was cheated out of her golden years by a dreaded disease. My kids didn't get to spend the extra time they deserved with their grandma and I'll forever miss those late night phone calls from my mom, she was a night owl like me, and those Sunday dinner gatherings over at her beautiful home. You go through a whole range of emotions, sadness, anger, fear, remorse, and the profound sense of loss over losing someone you love so much. Nothing about it is easy and it's a fate all of us will deal with in life.... having to say good bye to a parent that brought us into this world and gave us life.

Do your best to make her comfortable and surround yourself with family and close friends, that will be the strength that will get you through bro. I found that just talking to my mom about growing up and how well she raised us, and how she will leave behind a loving family and grand kids that loved her so much, was very comforting and peaceful to her in her last days. Again, my sincere and heartfelt condolences, we're all here for you man, this forum may have it's ups and downs, but we all share a feeling of compassion when one of our own is dealing with a very difficult time. Peace.

**floridagolfer** · 09-28-12, 05:28 AM

I spent five years watching my mother die. After she fell and broke a hip, she got just a tiny bit worse every day. One problem came up, and when that one went away, another one came up. That went on and on and on . . .

It's painful stuff and sometimes there's not much you can do; sorry I don't have any magic words of wisdom.

After my experience, I vowed to change the way I live and the way I look at life. I'm doing the best I can to make sure I don't look back one day and say to myself, "I wish I'd done this, I wish I'd done that, I wish . . . "

**thezbar** · 09-28-12, 06:53 AM

My father lost his big toe to diabetes at age 60. With good medical care he lived to the age of 76 but the quality of life was far from ideal. Its was very stressful for the entire family. His final six months was a living hell. They had to cut off his right leg at the knee in January and he was gone by June. He was facing losing his left leg at that time and he refused to allow that to happen. The aftercare from the first operation was a nightmare and seeing that changed the way I look at death and dieing.
I can understand where your mother is coming from. Try to respect her wishes. Her physical body is dieing. Best to prepare her soul for the afterlife. You'll know the best way on how to do that yourself. Be strong.

**5mike5** · 09-28-12, 08:10 AM

wish your mom the best

**zam77** · 09-28-12, 08:12 AM

Sounds like a very tough situation man... SBR's here for you. Use support to stay strong wherever you can get it. Will say some prayers for her bud.

**acampbell2345** · 09-28-12, 08:30 AM

I will be praying for you and your mom Money.
On piece of advice I would give to you and your moms would be to look at possible hospice care. They are experts at keeping patients pain free as possible and Keeping them in their home instead of a hospital. A good hospice main goal is to give the patient and their family as many "good" days as possible so you can enjoy your time together, how ever long that may be.
Hope this helps buddy.

**jeepsguy004** · 09-28-12, 10:44 AM

Money,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers go out to you man. Not many people know what you are going through unless they have experienced it first hand.

My father passed away 4 years ago of lung cancer and I didn't even know he had it. My dad and I were extremely close, did everything together from fishing to hunting, going to ball games, or just hanging out watching a game at a bar having a few beers. It is never easy to have something like this thrown on you. I was so thankful that I knew the paramedic that took him to the hospital when he called since the guy was able to call me on my cell while i was in the middle of a baseball game. Just happen that I was walking over to take a piss and I grabbed my phone in case anyone called me due to them needing directions to our game. I got a chance to see him one last time alive because of that phone call, even though machines were doing majority of the work.

Individuals of that generation are all hard works and never want to put a bearing on anyone. They always feel they can take care of everything and I am sure that is what my dad was thinking than and why your mom didn't want to bring this to your attention.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about him. I was his only son and he wanted me to have a child so bad, especially a son to carry on the name and what hurt me so bad and still hurts me to this day is my son was born 14 days after my father passed away. He was so excited that I was having a boy and wanted to be there to do all those things him and I did.

Money if I can give you any advice make the best of the time you have with your mom left. Spend as much time as you can with her just show her how much she means to you and how much she has always meant to you. If you have any kids or plan on having make sure they know all about her and how great of a person she was. I would give up everything I have to be able to just spend one more day with my dad having a cold one while watching a game.

if you need anyone to talk to let me know man. Like I said I know how you feel and it is one of the toughest things you will ever have to go through in life.

**TheMoneyShot** · 09-28-12, 12:06 PM

I wanted to update this thread. And I thought I could hold everything in. I started reading Bite's post... and I started balling. Thank you Bite. And thanks to everyone who posted...

I made the decision to send her to emergency (against her own wishes) Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit a few moments ago. They have a Cancer Team on staff... I hope they make the right decisions for her. Thanks for all the support fellas.

I promise to read everyone's post as soon as I can get my head on straight. Thank you again.

**Dutch** · 09-28-12, 12:57 PM

My mom died from a brain tumor. I was her caretaker until the end. Not much you can do but pretend to be positive and keep her as comfortable as possible.

Get ahold of hospice. They'll help get you a motorized bed, one of those porta pottie deals, pain killers and other shit I'm forgetting..Stay strong brother.

**baskets** · 09-28-12, 01:06 PM

if u r Grits on Gravy you try to keep her alive as long as possible so that gubment check will keep coming!!!

**lakerboy** · 09-28-12, 01:15 PM

This is a very sad thread. Money I wish your mom all the best brother.

**pulledclear** · 09-28-12, 01:18 PM

My mom went from Liver Cancer. Get her in the Hospital and make her as comfortable as possible. Make as many visits as you can spend as much time as you can with her, bring family and friends it will mean a lot to her. I have to stop writing because Im getting choked up. Be strong.

**pulledclear** · 09-28-12, 01:20 PM

Originally posted by baskets

if u r Grits on Gravy you try to keep her alive as long as possible so that gubment check will keep coming!!!

You are one sorry repulsive fck.

**shari91** · 09-28-12, 01:28 PM

Originally posted by TheMoneyShot

I wanted to update this thread. And I thought I could hold everything in. I started reading Bite's post... and I started balling. Thank you Bite. And thanks to everyone who posted...

I made the decision to send her to emergency (against her own wishes) Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit a few moments ago. They have a Cancer Team on staff... I hope they make the right decisions for her. Thanks for all the support fellas.

I promise to read everyone's post as soon as I can get my head on straight. Thank you again.

I realise how hard this is for you and just reading the other posts in here I see how many of us have gone through the same thing. My mother passed away from breast cancer in her late 40s. Didn't smoke, no family history... just tore her apart out of the blue. As I'd just left Canada for a job in the US she kept it hidden from me, not wanting me to worry about her as she wanted me to enjoy the new things I was experiencing. She'd come to visit me for a few days at a time and somehow managed to hide everything. I found out in March and she died in May. She too stopped all treatment as she'd been told there was a great chance the cancer wouldn't all be gone anyway. A part of me hated her for that at the time because I couldn't get why she just seemed to give up. Like I wasn't worth fighting to stick around for somehow. But now as a mother myself I can understand more why she did it. It wasn't about not caring to live... it was about not wanting to cause me any more pain than necessary by prolonging what was most likely inevitable anyway.

But she left me the greatest gift of a bunch of video recordings she'd made telling me things she'd want to say at later stages of my life but knew she wouldn't be around for. I still watch them quite often, not just to hear her voice but because sometimes there are things only your mother can tell you. Whether you're close to her or not, just spend as much time as you can making and preserving memories of her however you can. xo

**JAKEPEAVY21** · 09-28-12, 01:31 PM

Money..I'm deeply sorry and very sad to hear about your Mom. I haven't dealt with anything like this with my parents, but one day I will, it's inevitable. I know I would be a wreck if I was in your situation. Let your Mom know how you feel about her and how much you love her..give her hugs and love..I'm getting choked up here as well, so I'll stop writing and light a candle for your Mom.

**Living The Dream** · 09-28-12, 02:21 PM

Man... I can't lie and say I have been through something like this. The only thing I can think of is to spend whatever time you can doing what she wants and soak it in and remember it for the rest of your life..

Goodluck brother

**Grits n' Gravy** · 09-28-12, 02:34 PM

It is so sad for people to have to watch your loved ones suffer. Just support her and keep her smiling. Continue to live your life and make her proud of her son. She wants to hande cancer on her own terms. That shows how strong of a woman she is.

Baskets- I strongly suggest you watch your comments. Tough to type with no hands son.

**dante1** · 09-28-12, 03:07 PM

Originally posted by pulledclear

You are one sorry repulsive fck.

Isn't he the biggest asshole you ever heard. Baskets nobody ever needed a severe beating more than you.

I am so sorry about your mom, do what you can that is all you are able to do.

**baskets** · 09-28-12, 03:14 PM

more fake emotion from an online board..... everybody lining up to put flowers in some poster's coffin

prolly just as real as the whole griz and PWAD fake fiasco...... meanwhile every clown in here is sending condolences to somebody they don't even know

Grits, you still smell like shit. It's nature, my friend

**RawBillyIce** · 09-28-12, 03:30 PM

Glad u took her to Hiospital. Say a prayer as we all say a prayer for you and your mother.

One day you will be able to help another go through what you are now going through.

**shari91** · 09-28-12, 03:35 PM

Originally posted by baskets

more fake emotion from an online board..... everybody lining up to put flowers in some poster's coffin

prolly just as real as the whole griz and PWAD fake fiasco...... meanwhile every clown in here is sending condolences to somebody they don't even know

Grits, you still smell like shit. It's nature, my friend

Look at the names of the people who replied in here... not one troll other than you, not one attention whore. There is no fake emotion in this thread. Many of us have been in his spot sadly and many more will be even if they don't know it right now. Sharing experiences and typing some nice words to someone when they're going through a hard time doesn't cost anyone a thing. If they help him to realise he's not alone then it's mission accomplished.

Coming into a thread because one is starved for attention however costs that person a piece of their soul.

Time and place baskets.

**4uk4life** · 09-28-12, 03:35 PM

Money, I sent you a pm bro. Here for you if ya need.

**5mike5** · 09-28-12, 03:37 PM

Originally posted by pulledclear

You are one sorry repulsive fck.

thinks hes funny but no1 else does

just an attention starved gimp

another racist coward that hides behind a keyboard

**dante1** · 09-28-12, 03:42 PM

Originally posted by baskets

more fake emotion from an online board..... everybody lining up to put flowers in some poster's coffin

prolly just as real as the whole griz and PWAD fake fiasco...... meanwhile every clown in here is sending condolences to somebody they don't even know

H
Grits, you still smell like shit. It's nature, my friend

Here is an asshole that cannot feel empathy for someone he does not know. That is perfectly parallel with a person who hates people because of the color of their skin. Hey baskets you asshole we are human beings, we don't need to know a person to feel the pain and the horror of illness. You wouldn't understand because you are a fckin animal, a low life degenerate unable to understand empathy. We feel the pain of other people with no fake emotion at all, it is real feeling baskets something you will never know.

**SteelRain** · 09-28-12, 03:57 PM

Originally posted by baskets

more fake emotion from an online board..... everybody lining up to put flowers in some poster's coffin

prolly just as real as the whole griz and PWAD fake fiasco...... meanwhile every clown in here is sending condolences to somebody they don't even know

Grits, you still smell like shit. It's nature, my friend

you are such a piece of shit

i have no idea why you are not perma banned

**5mike5** · 09-28-12, 03:58 PM

Originally posted by SteelRain

i have no idea why you are not perma banned

**dante1** · 09-28-12, 03:59 PM

mods get rid of this asshole, please.

**pulledclear** · 09-28-12, 04:00 PM

[QUOTE=baskets;16181930]more fake emotion from an online board..... everybody lining up to put flowers in some poster's coffin

prolly just as real as the whole griz and PWAD fake fiasco...... meanwhile every clown in here is sending condolences to somebody they don't even know

I would LOVE to grab you by the head and drive my thumbs full force into your eye sockets. Have a great day!

**4uk4life** · 09-28-12, 04:16 PM

Originally posted by baskets

more fake emotion from an online board..... everybody lining up to put flowers in some poster's coffin

prolly just as real as the whole griz and PWAD fake fiasco...... meanwhile every clown in here is sending condolences to somebody they don't even know

Grits, you still smell like shit. It's nature, my friend

I've gotten to know Money over the past year playing poker right here on SBR. Enough to know that I can and WILL call him a friend. A friendship doesn't require you to physically see the person in front of you, or spend time hanging out with a person. A friendship can begin from something as simple as a hello even from 1,000 miles away. From the way you act it appears you don't have much experience with the way friendships work so I wouldn't expect you to reply any differently.

Just because we're behind a computer doesn't mean we can't show true emotions or call someone their friend. The world would be alot better off without people like you thinking the way you do. This thread isn't about who has what play for the night, or who's cashing tickets. It's a thread about a good guy who's heart is broken and needs all the support he can get. You may not care but the rest of us do.

One day you might need support from someone you've never met. Don't burn the bridge before you cross it.

**pulledclear** · 09-28-12, 04:27 PM

Originally posted by 4uk4life

I've gotten to know Money over the past year playing poker right here on SBR. Enough to know that I can and WILL call him a friend. A friendship doesn't require you to physically see the person in front of you, or spend time hanging out with a person. A friendship can begin from something as simple as a hello even from 1,000 miles away. From the way you act it appears you don't have much experience with the way friendships work so I wouldn't expect you to reply any differently.

Just because we're behind a computer doesn't mean we can't show true emotions or call someone their friend. The world would be alot better off without people like you thinking the way you do. This thread isn't about who has what play for the night, or who's cashing tickets. It's a thread about a good guy who's heart is broken and needs all the support he can get. You may not care but the rest of us do.

One day you might need support from someone you've never met. Don't burn the bridge before you cross it.